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THOMAS THE TOUR GUIDE

on my bed and buried my face in the pillow. Yasheeda sat on the bed and put her arms around me.

'Yes, I'm fine. I'm just tired, I guess,' I lied. How could I explain to her that I felt so alone, even with her there?

'Are you sure?'

'I'm not used to so many visitors, that's all.'

'OK, then. I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute.'

As soon as the door shut behind her, I began to sob. I couldn't help it. And once I started, I couldn't stop. Since Yasheeda had gone off to Peru, I had survived San Pedro by closing myself down into a little ball, but when the Israelis came to visit, they opened me up again and made me think about things that I hadn't allowed myself to think about for months. What it might be like to have a normal social life. To get in a taxi and go anywhere in the city I wanted, whenever I wanted. To have friends around for dinner. To run across a road. To go to the cinema. To have money in my pocket all the time. To stop off at a coffee shop just because I wanted to. To buy an ice-cream from a proper ice-cream shop. To arrange to meet friends on a street corner at a certain time. To wait at a pedestrian crossing. To drive a car and get stuck at traffic lights during peak hour. Oh God, I was crying because I even missed traffic lights!

When I heard Yasheeda climbing the noisy, wooden ladder that led up to my room, I quickly wiped my eyes. I tried to concentrate on the good time I had just had with her and her friends in order to make my sad thoughts disappear. As Yasheeda climbed into bed next to me, I felt safe again, but I knew that one day she would leave me too. I rolled over and pretended to be asleep and she didn't notice my puffy eyes or my unhappiness.