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THOMAS THE SHOPKEEPER

absolutely certain of it: Ricardo had sent me to buy some meat – carne – from a guy called Simón all the way around in Cancha, and I had come back empty-handed. Three times.

‘Did you pronounce carne correctly?’ Ricardo asked impatiently, putting his hands on his hips when I came back shaking my head.

‘Of course, I pronounced it correctly. I’m not stupid, you know. Carne. Carne. Carne. See!’

‘Were you nice to him? I keep telling you that you have to be nice to these people.’ He had told me hundreds of times that learning the words and their pronunciation was only the first step. You also had to learn the culture and how to speak to the people.

‘Of course, I was nice to him!’ I yelled back. I was beginning to suspect that Ricardo was in on the joke too. ‘I’m always nice.’

‘Tranquilo, inglés. Just tell me, what did you say exactly? Maybe you offended him in some way.’

‘I didn’t offend him. He doesn’t have any carne, that’s all.’

‘Of course, he’s got carne. He’s a butcher. I saw him today and he told me he’d just bought a new lot. That’s why I specifically told you to go to him.’

‘Well, he’s the best butcher in the world because he’s sold it all.’ There was no way I was going back to visit Simón a fourth time. If he didn’t have any, he didn’t have any. But Ricardo insisted.

‘I saw him less than an hour ago, Thomas. Now just tell me what you said.’

Ricardo made me feel like a child sometimes. I sighed heavily and recounted my conversation with Simón the butcher.

‘OK. I went down there and I said, “Buenas noches, Simón. ¿Cómo está?”’ I pronounced his name right, then I asked him for two pounds of carne. I said por favor and I called him usted to be polite, just like you told me. But he still said he had nothing.’

Ricardo made a clicking sound with his tongue like I had committed a glaring error.

‘Well, of course he wouldn’t sell you any.’

‘Why? What did I do wrong this time?’

‘You can’t just walk up to him and ask him for meat without talking to him first.’

‘I did talk to him.’

‘Not properly. You don’t know these people, Thomas. If you don’t

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