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MARCHING POWDER

for your drug addictions, OK?' I hadn't seen him angry before and I tried to calm him down.

'Hey, man,' I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. 'Let's not start a fight about one dollar, OK?'

Rusty jerked his shoulder sideways and pushed my hand off. 'What's gotten into you, Thomas?' Then he started lecturing me. 'Have you been doing coke today?'

'No. I promise I haven't.' He narrowed his eyes and looked at me like he didn't believe me. He knew that I was hiding something, so I finally decided to tell him the truth.

We sat down at my table and Rusty listened patiently. I had never mentioned the Velascos to him before, or the fact that I had been in solitary confinement, so it all came as a shock to him. When I finished, he didn't speak for a long time. Eventually, he said quietly, 'Why didn't you tell me this before?'

'I thought I could fix things myself. And I didn't want you to worry about me.'

He shook his head. My reasons for not telling him had been good, but he made it seem like it was because I hadn't trusted him.

'You should have told me. I had a right to know,' was all he said.

Rusty didn't stay angry for long, but I knew that this wasn't the right time to ask for his help with money. I was thinking about buying us a few beers on credit and bringing up the subject afterwards, but I never got the chance. Rusty told me he needed to leave San Pedro early that day to meet some friends outside.

'Hey, man. Aren't you going to stay tonight?' I asked. I really wanted some company.

'No. You probably should rest if you're not feeling well.' He put five bolivianos on the table. 'Here's the money for your cigarettes.'

When he left that time, Rusty shook my hand rather than giving me the usual hug. I could tell that he was disappointed with me for not being honest. Roberto came around, but I didn't feel like doing any coke with him.

Eighteen months before, I had been having the time of my life. Now, it was like someone was punishing me for every single crime I'd ever committed. Things started to go badly in every part of my life. Rusty